WHAT MAKES ME SMILE?

Autumn Spiced Blog Challenge

The days my daughter puts her face on mine, and just holds me tight with her chubby, perfect arms; that lights up my life. When she comes over to me and gives me a kiss, and then carries on with her business-that little break she takes to show me she loves me-that is my happiness. When she sees a mark on my body that isn’t regular, like a beauty mark or a freckle and points, asking “boo boo?” in a concerned tone, that caring soul makes me melt. When she grabs my hand to pull me to whatever she wants to show me, experience with me- that act of “join me on this journey to the other room, mommy. I want you with me.” is heartwarming. She gives me a happiness I never knew was possible. She allows me to open my mind and experience a peace, a chaos, a perspective I’ve never needed to have before. She causes me to worry every second I am alive. She forces me to have patience and to think in a better way. She teaches me to think twice about everything, because when the questions come, I want to be able to answer her with openness, honesty, and completely without any judgments. I want to be a better person, a better woman because of her. She motivates me and inspires me. She loves me for exactly who and what I am, and she in her entirety lights up my everything.

THE BEGINNING: DAY ONE

[1]

Family above all else. My siblings are the most helpful, selfless, generous people I share this life with and I’m very blessed to have them. They help each other (and me) in anyway they are capable. I love my siblings immensely and thank my stars that we were raised the way we were.

[2]

I lost my mother at 25. I guess 25 years is better than nothing, right? But with my mother, no amount of time would have been enough. She was just a classy, funny-as-hell broad that you loved to be around. I miss her excruciating amounts.

[3]

I cried when I found out the child was a girl. Four months after losing my mother, we found out the gender of “nugget” and I said “It’s still early, though. She could still grow a penis!” It wasn’t until I was driving home, missing my mother, and thinking about the incredible relationship we had as mother and daughter, that I realized I was beyond ecstatic to have a girl. I didn’t realize I wanted a daughter so bad until it was confirmed that I was building one. So when people tell me to wait for those teenage years when she hates me and I’m wrong about everything- suck it. My mother was my best friend no matter what age I was, and I have complete confidence that while we will fight, the child will feel the same towards me.

[4]

I have no self discipline. I do what I want, when I want to do it, and that is why I am still not back to my pre-partum weight. I don’t bargain with or restrict myself from the things that I want and enjoy because life is short.

[5]

I want to own a home more than I want to be back into my pre-baby clothing. I want to be a home owner and enjoy the struggles and hassles and the yard! Oh, the yard!

[6]

I loathe ketchup. Get that nasty away from me!

[7]

I unapologetically love TV, movies, and fiction books. I love getting away for a while in the comfort of my home, wrapping myself in their story and being enveloped. I can’t afford to travel so why not?

[8]

My mom called me Poopy my entire life. I believe it came from my unyielding love for Winnie the Pooh. I used to cry when it (and Gumby) was over and the credits rolled.

[9]

I love to clean late at night. (Another reason I want my own home instead of an apartment!) If I could clean at night without disturbing anyone, my apartment would always be perfectly organized and gleaming.

[10]

I can spend 12 hours on my computer without a 2^nd thought. I haven’t in a very, very long time, but I could.

[11]

I am not a morning person. I do not enjoy coffee. I will have a morning conversation with you and not remember a single word of it. It is best to leave me alone until after 12pm, just to be safe.

[12]

I am terrified of birds. However, I love owls. They are a special little fowl that I enjoy and would probably even pet. All other birds should just go away, though.

[13]

I am also terrified of spiders, thousand-leggers, and any bug that jumps. Screw it, bugs. I’m just scared of bugs. I also wouldn’t want to come face to face with bears or sharks, because I’d pee all over.

[14]

I gnaw my nails off when I am stressed while reading, and I won’t realize I’ve done it until I’m finished and in pain.

[15]

I take 600+ pictures and videos with my phone in a 2 week period.

WEIGHT LOSS: FACIAL PROGRESS

 Before: 9/2011  During: 6 & 7/2013

I didn't realize how heavy I had gotten. This wasn't due to pregnancy. This was 2 months of a crumb-cake and Pepsi diet. Trying to keep myself awake with a new born, eating something that would fill me up quickly. How incredibly fast the weight came on, and how incredibly slow it is leaving! But, IT IS LEAVING. The first progress pictures I am sharing, and I hope I'll have more soon. As nerve wracking as this is, it's also liberating and motivational to me.

I owe thanks to my family and friends who are endlessly supportive (and patient with my constant blabbering's of weight loss)!

My current short-term goal is to lose 8lbs by 8/28. 15 Days. :)

GETTING BACK ON TRACK

I've been very neglectful of my blog this month. With The Queens birthday, keeping up with school, adding on an additional short course to expand my Illustrator knowledge before I actually need it in a class, and going to the gym, I haven't had any ideas or desire-honestly. I'll be better now, I promise.

From May 15 - June 15 I lost a total of: 4 pounds.

I want to scream when I write that. 4 measly pounds in a month! How discouraging!

However, from what my close family members have told me, they have seen changes in my body, face, and my overall being. I am more active and much more happy. I am energetic and enthusiastic-not that I wasn't before-but now it's become annoying! I am encouraging everyone to come with me because it makes me feel SO GOOD everyday I go, I want the people I love to feel good, too.

So, they say it takes 4 weeks for you to see the changes in yourself, aaaaand I see some. Not as much as I'd like to see in a month, but I see them. Mostly, I feel them, and that may be even better!

 

I was going to post before and after photos at 1 month, but the change is so miniscule that it would be more of an embarrassment to show my bare body at the moment. I am really hoping to get to my birthday goal. For that, I need to lose 13 pounds in 2 months, 1 week. 1.5 lbs a week. Possible? Yes. Difficult, immensely at the rate I am going!

 

I flaked a bit when it came to my FITplan book because I've been so busy and so much more active than the book tells me to be. I enjoy writing it all down at the end of the night but I am usually doing homework until 3am. By that time, who wants to write more and prolong going to sleep? Not I!

 

I also got new sneakers today from Zappos.com and I have to say, I love them. I love their variety, their free shipping both ways, and their service. I am unsure about the shoes I ordered ONLY because they are not as bright in person as they are online, but they feel great. I'll decide tomorrow. I'll be ordering from Zappos again within a few days for some slip-on sneakers for The Queen. :)

 

I want to post some freebies here, but I don't yet know how to! Help! Teach me how to bloggie, teach me- teach me how to bloggie! Ha!

MOTIVATION.

LEG PRESS: (unknown weight. 6th bar.) 5x8

CALF RAISES: (same machine, same weight) 5x8
CHEST PRESS: (unknown weight. 4th bar.) 2x6  (3rd bar): 1x6 1 1x8
LEG EXTENSIONS: 78lbs 2x6  66lbs 2x8
MID ROW: 115lbs 4x6  135lbs 1x6
SEATED DIP: 99lbs 1x6  86lbs 1x6  72lbs 2x8
BICEPS CURL: 70lbs 2x6  62lbs 2x8
SHOULDER PRESS: 76lbs 1x4  69lbs 1x6  62lbs 1x8 55lbs 1x8
LAP PULL DOWNS: 117lbs 1x6  102lbs 1x6  85lbs 2x8
LEG CURLS: 115lbs 2x6  97lbs 2x8
OUTER THIGHS: 140lbs 2x8  120lbs  2x8
INNER THIGHS: 120lbs 1x8 90lbs 2x8 100 1x6
CRUNCHES: C 2x8  R 2x10  L 2x10  C 1x10

SQUATS: 45lb bar 2x25lb weights = 95lbs 3x8

TREADMILL: 31.5min 2-3.5 walking & power walking, 1:30 5.5 jog.

BIKE OF DEATH: 26.24 minutes (I aimed for 250 calories/6 laps.)

 

 

 

There came a point in my life very recently that I whole-heatedly decided that enough was enough. The Queen is almost 2, and I am still the same weight I was when I gave birth to her. That is unacceptable. Women pacify it by dealing out comforting thoughts such as "It usually takes about 2 years to get the weight off!" and "Well you have no time- it'll come off on its own!" Thank you, but that's not the case.

The case is was that I wasn't trying to get the weight off. It's that simple! I'd get into these super-overdrive-motivation modes for 3 days, just to give up as quickly. The work outs were too hard, I couldn't keep up, my joints, my lungs, no time, no energy, school is in the way, it's the holiday-- how many things can get in the way of me?!

 

The answer then: a lot!

The answer now: myself.

 

I've stopped trying to find the time to go to the gym, and now I make the time to go. I feel so good each day I go- it's motivation that carries me through the day.

 

I have friends that have been in the same boat that I was/am in. The only thing that I can do is encourage them. It is SO, INCREDIBLY HARD to get out of the rut you can get stuck in. Not only for mothers, either. Women in relationships that put the comfort pounds on, college freshman 15, birth control weight gain, health issues- whatever the cause and case may be. It is hard to find the motivation and to hold onto it. I know- I did it for 2 years now!

 

I started this blog as a way to keep up anonymously with my progress, but lately I've realized that not everyone is as verbal about their insecurities as I am- but they are still struggling with the same thing I am. So, here I am. Accountable for my actions and inaction. Putting myself out there like my friend did for me. I am on a mission to get my old body back, and then improve it. I am on a mission to show my daughter that I can keep up. I am on a mission to improve my health so I can be her superhero. I am on a mission to chase my dog around the block every time he runs away, and not feel like I am about to implode. I am on a mission to skinny jeans and pretty tops, wearing tank tops and lifting my arms, stepping out of the plus size section and getting back into my favorite stores. I am on a mission to feel confidence, to walk with my head high again- because I've been teaching my daughter to look down at the floor. No more.

NO. MORE.

I'm on a mission to becoming A MILF. Yeah. I am on a life changing mission that started with a realization, baby stepped into quitting soda, tumbled into joining the gym, and is snow balling into working myself 110%, sweating without caring, and eating with purpose.

I am on a mission to be proud of myself-inside and out-because I am working for it.

<3

Peace, Love, Sweat, & Happiness.

 

 

 

A Clueless moment from me to my friends:
My machine just started inclining without letting me know and I yelled out "what the F%#$ is happening?!" in a panic. It was like an earthquake. I shouldn't be allowed here.



 

PROGRESS

2+ WEEKS WITH NO SODA. ABSOLUTELY NOT A DROP!

So my last post was about how dedicated I was to losing weight using Insanity by The Queen's 2nd birthday party in June. Well, I should have known better! If it isn't life, or school, or overwhelming circumstanced getting in the way of my late night work outs- it's my exhaustion by the end of the day. Once I missed a day, it was too easy to keep on missing 'em. If I am being perfectly honest here, I hate that damn work out. It is so impossibly hard to keep going with all thing jiggle going on with each jump! So, I quit.

But wait a second! I DID however join a gym! My sister told me about a gym that opened up less than a month ago right by my laundromat. Sweet! GTL, baby! I went and joined! I had some anxieties over going alone but I finally had big sister babysit me through a work out and tonight, I went all by myself! THAT is a personal achievement for me.

So I've done the 30 minute circuit on both days, which includes:

 

Leg press
Hamstring Curl
Chest Press
Biceps Curl
Triceps Extension

and I throw in a few reps of:

 

Abdominal Crunches

 

There are more machines that work the thighs, the back, and the arms. All of which are killing me!

I love it!

 

I also purchased this book by GAIAM called FITPLAN from Target. I wont go into detail, but this is right up my ally. I like to keep a track, draw, doodle, and have something to DO with all of this information at the end of the day. I like to be accountable for my food decisions and my inactivity- and reading it will help motivate me in all aspects. It is an 84-day (12 week) planner with a bio at the beginning and at the end. It focuses on your energy and mood levels as well as your activity, diet, and exercise. Check it out if you're into this sort of thing.

 

 

Finally, I want to just address something for myself. I start my 9th term today (each term is 2 classes/6weeks long.) Digital Manipulation. (you cannot fathom how long I've waited for this class!) I started August 2011, semi-immediately after The Queen was born. She kicked my perspective into high gear- a gear I've never had before her.
Now she is almost two, and I haven't stopped. I'm damn proud of myself. I have big plans for myself, and this is the first major step in getting those plans in motion. Two years have passed by SO quickly. I can't wait to look back at myself two years from now and see what I've accomplished as a student, toward my career, and as a woman. Motherhood is my priority but I am not letting myself fail as an individual. I will be an inspiration to her.

 

 

Be Your Best.

Rest Day!

Today is my intentional rest day from INSANITY. I say intentional, because it took me 10 days to complete the first week-not including that fit test! Between being too sore to function & too busy with school, I had to start with the most important of my tasks & put off the least important for another day. I even debated on skipping rest day, but my butt cheeks decided for me when they were sore getting out of bed this morning!

This is the farthest I have gone with INSANITY in my 3 attempts at it. This is huge for me! Even though it took me 4 extra days, I still kept going. The effort was not lost- either. I already see results in what my body can do physically. At the beginning I couldn't (&wouldn't) jump. Without jumping, this takes out a large portion of the workouts- but I modified them if possible OR did squats in their place.

Things I physically could not do on Day 1, that I could do on day 6(10)

Basketball Jumps
Suicide Drills (bent knee push-ups. Lets not get carried away!)

Heisman
Mountain Climbers (my wrists couldn't support the angle while I brought my knee in)
Knee In's (Plank, jump in, jump out. I refer to them as fat-pincher's.)

I've also noticed that I can do more of the exercise than before. Where I would crap out at lets say 10 Heisman's (Heismen?) on day 2, I'd crap out at about 15/20 on day 6(10). I know my body pretty well from years of dancing, and I am sure I will be able to keep up with about 85% of the work out someday. I'm really impressed with my progress in the last 5 workouts. Its motivating- & I am really starting to wish I never gave up the first time I tried.

I don't expect miracles to happen within the next few weeks, but I do expect improvement. I demand improvement. The more results I see, the more motivated I feel to keep pressing on. I am VERY excited to build my body, endurance, stamina, & confidence back up! <3

I think May 13th will be 8 weeks. That sounds good for a progress photo, I'd say.

Dun dun dunnnn!!

Weight Loss: A journey back to my real body.

The Queen will be 2 in two months time, & I am still at the same weight I was before my water broke. I know, right? How humiliating! But, this time I am sticking to losing the unwanted pounds & I am going to post about the journey here, on my blog! I've taken my before photos and my measurements. I am not going to post them until I have an update to compare them to. Also, it's really taking a lot of nerve to come out publically with my figures!

I like lists. I like organization. I like deadlines. I have no self control or discipline. Now that you know this about me, you'll understand why I am creating patch projects of charts and inspiration boards! I've printed out the INSANITY 60 day (which is actually 63 days-9 of which are rest days) calendar and wrote out the dates of my workout, and a countdown to The Queen's shindig. There are some motivational quotes to read when I am feeling like death, to brighten my mood. Below that, is the 30 Day Squat Challenge that is circulating. I've added dates on the squat challenge as well. By the time her birthday comes, I should look better in my bathing suit and feel a bit more comfortable.
On the back is the image of what 1lb in fat looks like, & ridiculous pictures of me at my ideal body image. With dancing, working out, giving up pepsi (yikes!) I should see results.

I want to record and post videos, too. I know from experience how difficult it is to stay motivated when you're so defeated, find time between taking care of your family, school, and work.

EDIT: I posted this to my other blog 9 days ago, but I am re-posting it here. This is my journey, therefore it belongs in my blog-not my daughters.